So I was just reading a post on a friend's blog, and it has prompted me to post my own about the same subject (thanks Cass ;) ).
What is it about, well the gender subject. Boys vs. Girls.
Why is it that we cannot be open and honest about our feelings when we are pregnant? Why is it such a taboo subject, that if we do find out the sex of the baby, that will be loved no matter what, and it is not what we had hoped that we cannot actually openly say it without being ridiculed by everyone?
I have three gorgeous little boys. I love them with every ounce of my being, they light up my life and continue to challenge me in both good and not so good ways each and every day. I would NEVER change them for all the tea in China. BUT... to say I was happy that all of them were boys when we found out, no sorry I can't say that.
Master L, yes, we had hoped with everything we had, that he would be a boy. To say we were over the moon at the ultrasound is an understatement. I actually think both Mr B and I had tears of joy when the tech said that it was a blue one. I'd had a dream whilst I was doing the fertility drugs to conceive Master L, and that it would be a boy. He turned out exactly like he was in the dream.
When I was pregnant with Master L, I had this beautiful dream of this gorgeous little boy holding onto this beautiful baby wrapped in a pink blanket. I was told in this dream 'don't worry, she will come along when the time is right'. This little boy in the dream looked like Liam, but he had curls in his hair. I was so certain that our next child would be a girl because the first dream about Master L being a boy was so accurate.
Roll onto the next pregnancy, go for the scan, only to be told that it was another boy. What the hell? How could this be? We were so certain it was a girl. Everything in the pregnancy had been different. I had about 2 hours of feeling sick with Master L, this time I was sick day and night till 20wks!! Mr B and I walked out of that scan, pretty much devastated. We had to wait 45mins for the results to come back so we went for a walk. We had decided that 2 children would be it for us, as Mr B is the eldest of 3, and hated that number and myself being an only child I was NEVER going to have just one. So the decision was made, either 2 or 4, never an odd number. As we walked around, Mr B took my hand and said 'your not going to have someone to do their hair all pretty' and at that moment I broke down in sobs. We both did.
Yes, our baby boy was healthy, and growing well, but he wasn't our girl that we had both so dearly wanted with all our hearts.
When we told people, the first thing most of them said was 'oh well, think of it this way, you will be able to use all the stuff from Master L'. Wow, let's chuck a party everyone! What a crock! I wanted to go and buy all the pretty stuff I didn't care about it being cheaper to have another boy. The other people just automatically said 'oh well, you'll have to have a 3rd now to try for your girl' *sighs*
I did try to be open with some people, that I wasn't blissfullyhappy our *she* was now a he. But once again, was met with the comments of 'you should be grateful that the baby is healthy' or the other pearler, 'be grateful you are pregnant at all'. You know, I WAS grateful that I was pregnant. Hell I know the pain of infertility, and what it can do to you emotionally (not just physically), so please, go knock that line out on someone else thanks.
So anyway, roll onto pregnancy #3. We were still living in hope that our dream would come true, and that we would get our baby girl this time. Names were picked, we had picked the bedding (obviously hadn't bought it yet though!), heck Mr B had even bought a couple of little outfits that were on sale that he 'just couldn't NOT buy'. The baby (affectionately nicknamed 'Teddy' by Master L) had to be a girl, even Master L had decided it was a girl, and he had been right so many times before, so he had to be right this time.
Time comes for ultrasound day. I was excited yet scared stiff at what was about to happen. I'd gone from being certain it was a girl, to just knowing that it was another boy. Apparently I wasn't going to be disappointed with that train of thought, as the tech said 'its a blue one' again. Before he had said it, we had all been happily talking away, having a bit of a laugh, all going great. The room was very silent after the news. It shouldn't be like that. This time, Mr B and I both had a tear again, and decided that this REALLY had to stop. We couldn't keep leaving that place feeling sad, especially when it was meant to be a happy time.
This time I went into my shell. I hated telling people because of the comments. This time it was 'ohh you poor thing, 3 boys, that is so unlucky' or 'gee you are definitely going to have your hands full there' *sighs* I remember telling my closest friend, but having to do it through SMS as I was too scared I was going to sob through the phone to her. I know she would have understood, but still, I just couldn't talk to anyone (even my own family). My heart was broken. Mr B had said no more kids after this, he couldn't put me through the disappointment if we had another boy.
Yes, my beautiful little boy was healthy, growing ok (albeit a bit small for dates) and ended up joining us 6wks early, but he wasn't my little girl. Mr B I think gave into my need to name this little guy a name i'd had picked since I was in college studying childcare. I had this gorgeous little boy in my class who at the age of 4 could sit and read me book after book. I thought he was amazing, and his name was just perfect for him. The funny thing is, i'd be trying to talk Mr B into using the name for at least one of the boys names (they all have 3 names!) but he had been adamently against it. This time, he changed his mind.
So, why am I talking about all this now? Well, whilst we aren't going hell for leather, we are trying for another little person to join our family. And yes, once again, we are very much hoping that we have a little girl. Yes, a little boy would be just as great, but heck we have 3 already isn't it time for a girl?? LOL And yes, I will be honest upfront, if we do have another boy I will be devastated but I do know that in time I will build that bridge and get on with it.
Oh, and one last thing, just to clarify.... we are NOT wanting to have another baby just to try for a girl. No, we would love one more person to join our *little* family. Be it girl or boy, they will be just as loved as the others, and will bring us the same joy, love and bring contentment to our family. This will be our final chance for our girl, 2 or 4 kids remember ;)
Saturday, November 29, 2008
Saturday, November 22, 2008
Creativity is a wonderful thing!
Lately i've been feeling very creative. Now, this may be a normal thing for some people, but for me it is not. I've never been very good with doing crafty type things, and rest assured that art was not one of my finer subjects at school. I have also tried quite a few things, sewing - LMAO what a joke, knitting - seems I pull the yarn too tight and make it impossible to get the needle through, painting - even simple things like photo frames they just never turned out the way I had planned. And thats just to name a few!
Pretty much the only thing craft like that i've ever done, enjoyed and been ok at doing is Scrapbooking. Mum and I started doing it back in 2001, and boy did we have a lot of fun doing it! So much so that for a while I was a scrapbooking consultant. But then having the kids and the fact that it took so much to unpack it all, do some, then pack it all up again it all fell by the wayside for a couple of years.
That was a few weeks ago I went to a demo at a friends house and now the bug is back. Yayyy!! I was wondering if I was ever going to get it back, as it had been so long without much inspiration (sure, got some great photos, but the 'bug' just wasn't there). We have a little group now from that demo that are getting together once a month to do a workshop night. Our first one was a couple of weeks ago now, and this is what we did that night...
In the time between the demo and the workshop, I also finally finished our Wedding album. That was the last thing that I had done scrapbooking wise, and that was a few months after our wedding in 2004. I'm so happy that it's finally done, now I can move onto the boys albums.
BUT, scrapbooking isn't the only creative thing i've been doing lately. A couple of months ago I was out walking and found that the local bead shop was closing down and having a 50% off sale. So, me being the hunter of bargains decided to have a look not really having any idea of what I was looking for or even doing in the shop. I've never done any beading before, but I got a few things to start me off.
Fast forward to a couple of weeks ago, my gorgeous friend Deb went to a bead warehouse expo and came home with a stack of stuff. She went through it all with me, and I think it was at that moment the bug started to nibble. Last week we had a craft day at her house, with her neighbour, and oh boy, the bug didn't just nibble, it took a BIG bite! I'm hooked LOL
This is what I made last Tuesday, my first ever attempt at jewellery making...
So, after using nearly all of the stuff that I had, I went shopping and got some more bits and pieces. This is what I made next with some of those bits...
Now i'm on a mission. To source a place for us to buy our beads at wholesale prices, as this beading thing is not a cheap hobby. I've found a couple, and they are local (well close enough anyway LOL) and I can't wait to check them out and get moving on some more.
Is it too much to hope that this new hobby be turned into something more? Being creative is so good for the soul!
Pretty much the only thing craft like that i've ever done, enjoyed and been ok at doing is Scrapbooking. Mum and I started doing it back in 2001, and boy did we have a lot of fun doing it! So much so that for a while I was a scrapbooking consultant. But then having the kids and the fact that it took so much to unpack it all, do some, then pack it all up again it all fell by the wayside for a couple of years.
That was a few weeks ago I went to a demo at a friends house and now the bug is back. Yayyy!! I was wondering if I was ever going to get it back, as it had been so long without much inspiration (sure, got some great photos, but the 'bug' just wasn't there). We have a little group now from that demo that are getting together once a month to do a workshop night. Our first one was a couple of weeks ago now, and this is what we did that night...
In the time between the demo and the workshop, I also finally finished our Wedding album. That was the last thing that I had done scrapbooking wise, and that was a few months after our wedding in 2004. I'm so happy that it's finally done, now I can move onto the boys albums.
BUT, scrapbooking isn't the only creative thing i've been doing lately. A couple of months ago I was out walking and found that the local bead shop was closing down and having a 50% off sale. So, me being the hunter of bargains decided to have a look not really having any idea of what I was looking for or even doing in the shop. I've never done any beading before, but I got a few things to start me off.
Fast forward to a couple of weeks ago, my gorgeous friend Deb went to a bead warehouse expo and came home with a stack of stuff. She went through it all with me, and I think it was at that moment the bug started to nibble. Last week we had a craft day at her house, with her neighbour, and oh boy, the bug didn't just nibble, it took a BIG bite! I'm hooked LOL
This is what I made last Tuesday, my first ever attempt at jewellery making...
So, after using nearly all of the stuff that I had, I went shopping and got some more bits and pieces. This is what I made next with some of those bits...
Now i'm on a mission. To source a place for us to buy our beads at wholesale prices, as this beading thing is not a cheap hobby. I've found a couple, and they are local (well close enough anyway LOL) and I can't wait to check them out and get moving on some more.
Is it too much to hope that this new hobby be turned into something more? Being creative is so good for the soul!
My Baby is One
*sighs* yes i'm having troubles coming to terms with the fact that Master P is now one. It's exciting and strange all at the same time LOL I know, i'm crazy hey. In the past week he has gone crazy though. He is saying more words, exerting himself more (oh joy!) and well, just acting like he is a big boy now!
We had a quiet day for this birthday. Mr B and I took him shopping, then picked up the big boys from kindy early to come home to celebrate with Nan, Grandad and GiGi. He loved his presents, but most of all, he LOVED his cake!
Here are some of my favourite photos of my little guy's first year...
Happy 1st Birthday Babycakes!!
Master P - 17th November 2007, 10:31am, 5lbs, 50cms long, 32cms head
We had a quiet day for this birthday. Mr B and I took him shopping, then picked up the big boys from kindy early to come home to celebrate with Nan, Grandad and GiGi. He loved his presents, but most of all, he LOVED his cake!
Here are some of my favourite photos of my little guy's first year...
Happy 1st Birthday Babycakes!!
Master P - 17th November 2007, 10:31am, 5lbs, 50cms long, 32cms head
Sunday, November 16, 2008
One more sleep..
I seriously wonder how it is possible that my baby boy will be one tomorrow. What on earth has happened to the last 12mths? Is it something that happens as you get older, time just flits away before you even realise it's there, and then when you do, its been and gone several times over.
Anyway, tomorrow is the big day, Master P turns ONE! I thought i'd post today, because I'm not sure if i'm going to get a chance tomorrow. His birth, well it was bittersweet to say the least. A wonderful day as it meant a beautiful little soul had joined the world, and our family, but also one that I will never forget as long as I live, for horrible reasons.
34wks 4days
Master P's Birth Day - 17th November 2007
Friday night I wasn't feeling right. I was very fidgety and couldn't get to sleep, so sat up on the computer till around 1:30am when I finally gave in and tried to go to sleep.
I woke around 4am to Mr B coming into bed (he had been up late working on the computer). I told him that I still didn't feel right, but was able to get back to sleep again. At 4:30am I was woken up with what I thought to be a Braxton Hicks contraction, but was a bit more painful than usual. A few minutes later, and I had another one. By the time i'd had 4 of these I decided to start timing them just for interest sake, and they were 5mins apart.
5:30am, and they were still 5mins apart so I decided to jump in the shower as that had been my first way of trying to stop contractions. The shower felt really good but by the time I got out, the contractions had picked up a bit in intensity. I got back into bed and tried to rest between each one as I was still hoping that they would calm down and go away.
The resting worked for about half an hour until at 6:15am I was awoken with a massive contraction that had me jumping out of bed in pain. It was then that I started pacing the house and knew that this was the real deal, I was in labour!
Mum had heard me walking around and asked if I was ok, to which I said that this was it, but I wasn't ready to head off the hospital yet. No sooner had I said that when I had 2 massive contractions around 3mins apart, and realised that I probably should go in sooner rather than later.
I woke up Mr B, got changed, put the last couple of things in my bag and then rang the hospital who said to come straight in and see how things are going. Was a pretty easy trip to the hospital this time, being so early on a Saturday morning, there wasn't any traffic. Just as we got to the front door of the hospital and I was getting out of the car, I had another massive contraction. One of the midwives who was walking to her car saw me, and told me not to wait for Mr B to park the car, to go straight up. I knew I had a good couple of minutes before the next one so I took off trying to get up to the ward before it hit.
When I got to the desk, they decided to take me straight around to birth suite (which meant walking back down from where i'd come from, oh so annoying LOL). Mr B had come up already with my stuff and around we went, stopping twice on the way as they were getting closer together.
Once in birth suite, they tried to hook up the monitors to see how Master P was doing before the head midwife came in to see if I was dilating or not. This is when the 'fun' started. Anna the midwife couldn't find Master P's heartbeat. No matter where she looked, there was nothing. So after a moment of freaking out on my behalf I was put at ease when Master P moved. Anna got the handheld doppler out and found him no worries, but it was at this point when she asked 'is he breech?'
Now, Master P had been head down for a long time. Even earlier that morning, I am still quite certain he was head down, from the way my cervix had pressure to the shape of my belly and how much it had changed by the time we got to the hospital.
Anna called in the head midwife Steph and asked her to have a feel of my belly and to see if she could pick him up on the monitor. Still no success with getting his heartbeat, and after having a quick feel of my belly she decided to do the internal to see if she could feel his head. Definitely no head to be felt, but instead a hand through my waters which were bulging. I was also around 3cms and very soft and stretchy.
So this changed everything. Steph called in the Dr's and grabbed the ultrasound machine so they could double check that he was infact breech. Dr Scott came in, had a feel of my belly then did the ultrasound which showed the cheeky boy laying diagonally which his head in the right side of my pelvis. He then did an internal so he could see for himself how far I had progressed. It was after this he said 'ohh your definitely in labour' then turned to the other Dr and nodded his head.
Its 8:30am by this stage, and i'm in agony being stuck on my back on the bed through the contractions, all I wanted to do was get up and walk around so I could sway through them but I couldn't. Dr Vaughn then starts talking about how Master P was laying and that it wasn't what they wanted to see and that I would need to have a caesarean as it was too dangerous to let me even try for a vaginal birth due to cord prolapse and the possibility of him getting lodged in my pelvis if my waters broke. Needless to say I agreed to the c-section but at that moment, it all hit me and I burst into tears. I was actually looking forward to the birthing process and this was all going in a different direction than what I had had in my mind.
The Dr's went off to get everyone organised, while I had blood taken and a canula put in my arm and signed the consent form. Thank goodness for Steph who kept both of us as calm as she could. They wheeled me around, Mr B went off to get into his scrubs, I got into the freezing cold operating room and awaited the spinal. At this stage, i'm shaking with fear, I really didn't want to have the spinal done especially after the problems I had with my back after Master L's epidural. Luckily it went in first go, I was so happy with that.
It was just after 10am when the Dr was finally able to make the first incision. The spinal took a bit of time to work, as I kept feeling it when they went to start. I may not have felt the actual cutting part, but I certainly could feel everything else. It seemed like forever before they pulled Master P out, who let out a beautiful cry straight away (which made me burst into tears with joy). We got to see him for a second before Steph took him over to the paediatrician to check him over. Once he got the all clear, she bought him back so we could say a quick hello and give him a kiss before she raced him around to the Special Care Nursery. Mr B stayed with me for a few minutes before he went around to make sure all was ok with Master P.
After he left things went a bit haywire. I started feeling a lot of pain, and was groaning out loud every time Dr Scott did anything. It turned out that I had massive adhesions from the previous c-section, and he was trying to 'clean up' in there. My bladder was stuck to my uterus, as well as other problems, so he had some work to do. Because I was feeling so much, the anesthetist was freaking out a bit (umm yeah, so was I buddy!) so he decided to sedate me. Oh what a fun feeling that was as I was coming around with the gas mask on my face. I remember them talking about who was going out to get them all breakfast, and then all of a sudden, that whole conversation happened again. Nothing like a hit of drugs in the morning LOL. Apparently during this time I also lost a litre of blood, but luckily I didn't need a transfusion. I'm so glad they sedated me when they did though, cause I certainly won't forget feeling what I did.
By the time he had finished, it was just after 12noon, so much longer in there than I had thought it would be. I spent around 30mins in recovery before being wheeled back around to the ward, but instead of going to my room, they wheeled me straight down to the SCN so I could see Master P which was wonderful! They also took me down later on that night in my bed, as I still wasn't allowed up due to the blood loss.
So after all that, it didn't go how I hoped it would when the day was starting, but at the end of the day we have our third beautiful little boy who will more than likely after the way this all turned out be our last addition to the family. I'm not sure if I can go through any of this again, especially since any future pregnancies will be automatic c-section. But I guess, who knows what the future holds (as long as the future is a fair way down the line LOL).
Well, for the next 20 days, Master P was in the Special Care Nursery (SCN), which was very hard for me to cope with. Between the horror that was the c-section, the fact that he was early just added to it all by him having to stay in there. We were lucky that we had some wonderful midwives looking after him, but there was one in particular who was so horrible, that we ended up putting in a complaint to the Nurse Unit Manager. I also managed to pick up an infection, had problems with milk production which caused problems with a couple of the midi's cause it meant they had to formula feed Master P, which they didn't want to do (yeah, guess what, it wasn't my prefered method either!) and to top it off, I had 2 gorgeous little boys at home that just wanted their Mummy back for more than a couple of hours at a time.
To be honest, even though I can say that I loved Master P, it really took me a while to truly bond with him. From feeling resentment to my body for not being able to perform the function of pregnancy well enough to 'cook' him longer, to resenting him for turning (yes, I know, not his fault, but hey hindsight is a wonderful thing!) and thus resulting in the c-section. I really wish I hadn't have felt that way, but it has only been in the last couple of months where i've come to realise that there is nothing that I can do to change what happened, and that it was hindering my relationship with my son. So i've built my bridge, and i'm pleased to say that I am on the other side of it now.
I love my little boy with all my heart, he melts me! The other 2 do as well, but they all have their different ways that melt me. Mummy's boys... you betcha!! LOL We get a lot of people who make horrible comments on the fact that we have 3 boys, well, I honestly think they are jealous! Boy's rock and I am proud to be the Mummy of 3 gorgeous, happy, well mannered, and heck just plain delightful little miracle boys.
Would I put myself though anything like that again. You bet I would! :) :)
Anyway, tomorrow is the big day, Master P turns ONE! I thought i'd post today, because I'm not sure if i'm going to get a chance tomorrow. His birth, well it was bittersweet to say the least. A wonderful day as it meant a beautiful little soul had joined the world, and our family, but also one that I will never forget as long as I live, for horrible reasons.
34wks 4days
Master P's Birth Day - 17th November 2007
Friday night I wasn't feeling right. I was very fidgety and couldn't get to sleep, so sat up on the computer till around 1:30am when I finally gave in and tried to go to sleep.
I woke around 4am to Mr B coming into bed (he had been up late working on the computer). I told him that I still didn't feel right, but was able to get back to sleep again. At 4:30am I was woken up with what I thought to be a Braxton Hicks contraction, but was a bit more painful than usual. A few minutes later, and I had another one. By the time i'd had 4 of these I decided to start timing them just for interest sake, and they were 5mins apart.
5:30am, and they were still 5mins apart so I decided to jump in the shower as that had been my first way of trying to stop contractions. The shower felt really good but by the time I got out, the contractions had picked up a bit in intensity. I got back into bed and tried to rest between each one as I was still hoping that they would calm down and go away.
The resting worked for about half an hour until at 6:15am I was awoken with a massive contraction that had me jumping out of bed in pain. It was then that I started pacing the house and knew that this was the real deal, I was in labour!
Mum had heard me walking around and asked if I was ok, to which I said that this was it, but I wasn't ready to head off the hospital yet. No sooner had I said that when I had 2 massive contractions around 3mins apart, and realised that I probably should go in sooner rather than later.
I woke up Mr B, got changed, put the last couple of things in my bag and then rang the hospital who said to come straight in and see how things are going. Was a pretty easy trip to the hospital this time, being so early on a Saturday morning, there wasn't any traffic. Just as we got to the front door of the hospital and I was getting out of the car, I had another massive contraction. One of the midwives who was walking to her car saw me, and told me not to wait for Mr B to park the car, to go straight up. I knew I had a good couple of minutes before the next one so I took off trying to get up to the ward before it hit.
When I got to the desk, they decided to take me straight around to birth suite (which meant walking back down from where i'd come from, oh so annoying LOL). Mr B had come up already with my stuff and around we went, stopping twice on the way as they were getting closer together.
Once in birth suite, they tried to hook up the monitors to see how Master P was doing before the head midwife came in to see if I was dilating or not. This is when the 'fun' started. Anna the midwife couldn't find Master P's heartbeat. No matter where she looked, there was nothing. So after a moment of freaking out on my behalf I was put at ease when Master P moved. Anna got the handheld doppler out and found him no worries, but it was at this point when she asked 'is he breech?'
Now, Master P had been head down for a long time. Even earlier that morning, I am still quite certain he was head down, from the way my cervix had pressure to the shape of my belly and how much it had changed by the time we got to the hospital.
Anna called in the head midwife Steph and asked her to have a feel of my belly and to see if she could pick him up on the monitor. Still no success with getting his heartbeat, and after having a quick feel of my belly she decided to do the internal to see if she could feel his head. Definitely no head to be felt, but instead a hand through my waters which were bulging. I was also around 3cms and very soft and stretchy.
So this changed everything. Steph called in the Dr's and grabbed the ultrasound machine so they could double check that he was infact breech. Dr Scott came in, had a feel of my belly then did the ultrasound which showed the cheeky boy laying diagonally which his head in the right side of my pelvis. He then did an internal so he could see for himself how far I had progressed. It was after this he said 'ohh your definitely in labour' then turned to the other Dr and nodded his head.
Its 8:30am by this stage, and i'm in agony being stuck on my back on the bed through the contractions, all I wanted to do was get up and walk around so I could sway through them but I couldn't. Dr Vaughn then starts talking about how Master P was laying and that it wasn't what they wanted to see and that I would need to have a caesarean as it was too dangerous to let me even try for a vaginal birth due to cord prolapse and the possibility of him getting lodged in my pelvis if my waters broke. Needless to say I agreed to the c-section but at that moment, it all hit me and I burst into tears. I was actually looking forward to the birthing process and this was all going in a different direction than what I had had in my mind.
The Dr's went off to get everyone organised, while I had blood taken and a canula put in my arm and signed the consent form. Thank goodness for Steph who kept both of us as calm as she could. They wheeled me around, Mr B went off to get into his scrubs, I got into the freezing cold operating room and awaited the spinal. At this stage, i'm shaking with fear, I really didn't want to have the spinal done especially after the problems I had with my back after Master L's epidural. Luckily it went in first go, I was so happy with that.
It was just after 10am when the Dr was finally able to make the first incision. The spinal took a bit of time to work, as I kept feeling it when they went to start. I may not have felt the actual cutting part, but I certainly could feel everything else. It seemed like forever before they pulled Master P out, who let out a beautiful cry straight away (which made me burst into tears with joy). We got to see him for a second before Steph took him over to the paediatrician to check him over. Once he got the all clear, she bought him back so we could say a quick hello and give him a kiss before she raced him around to the Special Care Nursery. Mr B stayed with me for a few minutes before he went around to make sure all was ok with Master P.
After he left things went a bit haywire. I started feeling a lot of pain, and was groaning out loud every time Dr Scott did anything. It turned out that I had massive adhesions from the previous c-section, and he was trying to 'clean up' in there. My bladder was stuck to my uterus, as well as other problems, so he had some work to do. Because I was feeling so much, the anesthetist was freaking out a bit (umm yeah, so was I buddy!) so he decided to sedate me. Oh what a fun feeling that was as I was coming around with the gas mask on my face. I remember them talking about who was going out to get them all breakfast, and then all of a sudden, that whole conversation happened again. Nothing like a hit of drugs in the morning LOL. Apparently during this time I also lost a litre of blood, but luckily I didn't need a transfusion. I'm so glad they sedated me when they did though, cause I certainly won't forget feeling what I did.
By the time he had finished, it was just after 12noon, so much longer in there than I had thought it would be. I spent around 30mins in recovery before being wheeled back around to the ward, but instead of going to my room, they wheeled me straight down to the SCN so I could see Master P which was wonderful! They also took me down later on that night in my bed, as I still wasn't allowed up due to the blood loss.
So after all that, it didn't go how I hoped it would when the day was starting, but at the end of the day we have our third beautiful little boy who will more than likely after the way this all turned out be our last addition to the family. I'm not sure if I can go through any of this again, especially since any future pregnancies will be automatic c-section. But I guess, who knows what the future holds (as long as the future is a fair way down the line LOL).
Well, for the next 20 days, Master P was in the Special Care Nursery (SCN), which was very hard for me to cope with. Between the horror that was the c-section, the fact that he was early just added to it all by him having to stay in there. We were lucky that we had some wonderful midwives looking after him, but there was one in particular who was so horrible, that we ended up putting in a complaint to the Nurse Unit Manager. I also managed to pick up an infection, had problems with milk production which caused problems with a couple of the midi's cause it meant they had to formula feed Master P, which they didn't want to do (yeah, guess what, it wasn't my prefered method either!) and to top it off, I had 2 gorgeous little boys at home that just wanted their Mummy back for more than a couple of hours at a time.
To be honest, even though I can say that I loved Master P, it really took me a while to truly bond with him. From feeling resentment to my body for not being able to perform the function of pregnancy well enough to 'cook' him longer, to resenting him for turning (yes, I know, not his fault, but hey hindsight is a wonderful thing!) and thus resulting in the c-section. I really wish I hadn't have felt that way, but it has only been in the last couple of months where i've come to realise that there is nothing that I can do to change what happened, and that it was hindering my relationship with my son. So i've built my bridge, and i'm pleased to say that I am on the other side of it now.
I love my little boy with all my heart, he melts me! The other 2 do as well, but they all have their different ways that melt me. Mummy's boys... you betcha!! LOL We get a lot of people who make horrible comments on the fact that we have 3 boys, well, I honestly think they are jealous! Boy's rock and I am proud to be the Mummy of 3 gorgeous, happy, well mannered, and heck just plain delightful little miracle boys.
Would I put myself though anything like that again. You bet I would! :) :)
Monday, November 10, 2008
Well so much for updating this every couple of days! Always a good thought, but really I haven't had that much to talk about (yes, shock horror huh LOL).
Been feeling a bit odd lately, which is annoying to say the least. I'm not sick, just not feeling 100% either. Just wish my body would hurry up and work out what it wants to do instead of being in 'limbo land'.
So, what's been happening around here? Well the boys are growing like crazy. It's now one week till my baby boy's birthday and i'm feeling very nostalgic about it. My sweet little Screamasaurus, who while he is intense sometimes (hence the name!) is such a loving little cutie with his gorgeous pale blue eyes and beautiful big smile. He is now cruising along the furniture, rather than just standing around. He is really cheeky though, if you try to get him to say 'Mumma' he giggles, shakes his head and says 'Dadda' instead. Oh my! LOL What a boy :) I'm excited to see the little boy he is growing into, but i'm also sad to see my baby growing up. Doesn't help that i'm clucking around like an old chicken LOL
This past week I have gotten back my creative bug, and i'm LOVING it! I finally finished scrapbooking our wedding album. We have been married for 4 1/2 years, and I started it not all that long after we got married but hey, in that time I have also had 3 babies, so I got sidetracked a bit LOL.
I went to a friend's house on Friday night for a scrapbooking workshop, and oh it was so much fun! I have no problems scrapping by myself, but its just so much better when you have someone to do it with. There was 6 of us doing the workshop with our instructor, a job that I used to do myself, and we all laughed, made fun of each other, laughed a bit more and of course got a great page done. Next workshop is at my house, and i'm so looking forward to it. Just wish it wasn't a month away!
Not to worry, I think the bug has bitten enough for me to do more on my own before the next one. Might have to invite my friend over to have a scrapping afternoon together. She is brand new to scrapbooking (although a great card maker!) so its fun showing her how to use the tools and other designs. Heck, i've even considered going back into being a consultant, but not sure if I am ready to do that yet. Time will tell though!
Boring update I know, but hey, its me, and at least it isn't a whinging one like last time LOL
Good Night :)
Been feeling a bit odd lately, which is annoying to say the least. I'm not sick, just not feeling 100% either. Just wish my body would hurry up and work out what it wants to do instead of being in 'limbo land'.
So, what's been happening around here? Well the boys are growing like crazy. It's now one week till my baby boy's birthday and i'm feeling very nostalgic about it. My sweet little Screamasaurus, who while he is intense sometimes (hence the name!) is such a loving little cutie with his gorgeous pale blue eyes and beautiful big smile. He is now cruising along the furniture, rather than just standing around. He is really cheeky though, if you try to get him to say 'Mumma' he giggles, shakes his head and says 'Dadda' instead. Oh my! LOL What a boy :) I'm excited to see the little boy he is growing into, but i'm also sad to see my baby growing up. Doesn't help that i'm clucking around like an old chicken LOL
This past week I have gotten back my creative bug, and i'm LOVING it! I finally finished scrapbooking our wedding album. We have been married for 4 1/2 years, and I started it not all that long after we got married but hey, in that time I have also had 3 babies, so I got sidetracked a bit LOL.
I went to a friend's house on Friday night for a scrapbooking workshop, and oh it was so much fun! I have no problems scrapping by myself, but its just so much better when you have someone to do it with. There was 6 of us doing the workshop with our instructor, a job that I used to do myself, and we all laughed, made fun of each other, laughed a bit more and of course got a great page done. Next workshop is at my house, and i'm so looking forward to it. Just wish it wasn't a month away!
Not to worry, I think the bug has bitten enough for me to do more on my own before the next one. Might have to invite my friend over to have a scrapping afternoon together. She is brand new to scrapbooking (although a great card maker!) so its fun showing her how to use the tools and other designs. Heck, i've even considered going back into being a consultant, but not sure if I am ready to do that yet. Time will tell though!
Boring update I know, but hey, its me, and at least it isn't a whinging one like last time LOL
Good Night :)
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