Sunday, November 16, 2008

One more sleep..

I seriously wonder how it is possible that my baby boy will be one tomorrow. What on earth has happened to the last 12mths? Is it something that happens as you get older, time just flits away before you even realise it's there, and then when you do, its been and gone several times over.

Anyway, tomorrow is the big day, Master P turns ONE! I thought i'd post today, because I'm not sure if i'm going to get a chance tomorrow. His birth, well it was bittersweet to say the least. A wonderful day as it meant a beautiful little soul had joined the world, and our family, but also one that I will never forget as long as I live, for horrible reasons.

34wks 4days

Master P's Birth Day - 17th November 2007

Friday night I wasn't feeling right. I was very fidgety and couldn't get to sleep, so sat up on the computer till around 1:30am when I finally gave in and tried to go to sleep.

I woke around 4am to Mr B coming into bed (he had been up late working on the computer). I told him that I still didn't feel right, but was able to get back to sleep again. At 4:30am I was woken up with what I thought to be a Braxton Hicks contraction, but was a bit more painful than usual. A few minutes later, and I had another one. By the time i'd had 4 of these I decided to start timing them just for interest sake, and they were 5mins apart.

5:30am, and they were still 5mins apart so I decided to jump in the shower as that had been my first way of trying to stop contractions. The shower felt really good but by the time I got out, the contractions had picked up a bit in intensity. I got back into bed and tried to rest between each one as I was still hoping that they would calm down and go away.

The resting worked for about half an hour until at 6:15am I was awoken with a massive contraction that had me jumping out of bed in pain. It was then that I started pacing the house and knew that this was the real deal, I was in labour!

Mum had heard me walking around and asked if I was ok, to which I said that this was it, but I wasn't ready to head off the hospital yet. No sooner had I said that when I had 2 massive contractions around 3mins apart, and realised that I probably should go in sooner rather than later.

I woke up Mr B, got changed, put the last couple of things in my bag and then rang the hospital who said to come straight in and see how things are going. Was a pretty easy trip to the hospital this time, being so early on a Saturday morning, there wasn't any traffic. Just as we got to the front door of the hospital and I was getting out of the car, I had another massive contraction. One of the midwives who was walking to her car saw me, and told me not to wait for Mr B to park the car, to go straight up. I knew I had a good couple of minutes before the next one so I took off trying to get up to the ward before it hit.

When I got to the desk, they decided to take me straight around to birth suite (which meant walking back down from where i'd come from, oh so annoying LOL). Mr B had come up already with my stuff and around we went, stopping twice on the way as they were getting closer together.

Once in birth suite, they tried to hook up the monitors to see how Master P was doing before the head midwife came in to see if I was dilating or not. This is when the 'fun' started. Anna the midwife couldn't find Master P's heartbeat. No matter where she looked, there was nothing. So after a moment of freaking out on my behalf I was put at ease when Master P moved. Anna got the handheld doppler out and found him no worries, but it was at this point when she asked 'is he breech?'

Now, Master P had been head down for a long time. Even earlier that morning, I am still quite certain he was head down, from the way my cervix had pressure to the shape of my belly and how much it had changed by the time we got to the hospital.

Anna called in the head midwife Steph and asked her to have a feel of my belly and to see if she could pick him up on the monitor. Still no success with getting his heartbeat, and after having a quick feel of my belly she decided to do the internal to see if she could feel his head. Definitely no head to be felt, but instead a hand through my waters which were bulging. I was also around 3cms and very soft and stretchy.

So this changed everything. Steph called in the Dr's and grabbed the ultrasound machine so they could double check that he was infact breech. Dr Scott came in, had a feel of my belly then did the ultrasound which showed the cheeky boy laying diagonally which his head in the right side of my pelvis. He then did an internal so he could see for himself how far I had progressed. It was after this he said 'ohh your definitely in labour' then turned to the other Dr and nodded his head.

Its 8:30am by this stage, and i'm in agony being stuck on my back on the bed through the contractions, all I wanted to do was get up and walk around so I could sway through them but I couldn't. Dr Vaughn then starts talking about how Master P was laying and that it wasn't what they wanted to see and that I would need to have a caesarean as it was too dangerous to let me even try for a vaginal birth due to cord prolapse and the possibility of him getting lodged in my pelvis if my waters broke. Needless to say I agreed to the c-section but at that moment, it all hit me and I burst into tears. I was actually looking forward to the birthing process and this was all going in a different direction than what I had had in my mind.

The Dr's went off to get everyone organised, while I had blood taken and a canula put in my arm and signed the consent form. Thank goodness for Steph who kept both of us as calm as she could. They wheeled me around, Mr B went off to get into his scrubs, I got into the freezing cold operating room and awaited the spinal. At this stage, i'm shaking with fear, I really didn't want to have the spinal done especially after the problems I had with my back after Master L's epidural. Luckily it went in first go, I was so happy with that.

It was just after 10am when the Dr was finally able to make the first incision. The spinal took a bit of time to work, as I kept feeling it when they went to start. I may not have felt the actual cutting part, but I certainly could feel everything else. It seemed like forever before they pulled Master P out, who let out a beautiful cry straight away (which made me burst into tears with joy). We got to see him for a second before Steph took him over to the paediatrician to check him over. Once he got the all clear, she bought him back so we could say a quick hello and give him a kiss before she raced him around to the Special Care Nursery. Mr B stayed with me for a few minutes before he went around to make sure all was ok with Master P.

After he left things went a bit haywire. I started feeling a lot of pain, and was groaning out loud every time Dr Scott did anything. It turned out that I had massive adhesions from the previous c-section, and he was trying to 'clean up' in there. My bladder was stuck to my uterus, as well as other problems, so he had some work to do. Because I was feeling so much, the anesthetist was freaking out a bit (umm yeah, so was I buddy!) so he decided to sedate me. Oh what a fun feeling that was as I was coming around with the gas mask on my face. I remember them talking about who was going out to get them all breakfast, and then all of a sudden, that whole conversation happened again. Nothing like a hit of drugs in the morning LOL. Apparently during this time I also lost a litre of blood, but luckily I didn't need a transfusion. I'm so glad they sedated me when they did though, cause I certainly won't forget feeling what I did.

By the time he had finished, it was just after 12noon, so much longer in there than I had thought it would be. I spent around 30mins in recovery before being wheeled back around to the ward, but instead of going to my room, they wheeled me straight down to the SCN so I could see Master P which was wonderful! They also took me down later on that night in my bed, as I still wasn't allowed up due to the blood loss.

So after all that, it didn't go how I hoped it would when the day was starting, but at the end of the day we have our third beautiful little boy who will more than likely after the way this all turned out be our last addition to the family. I'm not sure if I can go through any of this again, especially since any future pregnancies will be automatic c-section. But I guess, who knows what the future holds (as long as the future is a fair way down the line LOL).

Well, for the next 20 days, Master P was in the Special Care Nursery (SCN), which was very hard for me to cope with. Between the horror that was the c-section, the fact that he was early just added to it all by him having to stay in there. We were lucky that we had some wonderful midwives looking after him, but there was one in particular who was so horrible, that we ended up putting in a complaint to the Nurse Unit Manager. I also managed to pick up an infection, had problems with milk production which caused problems with a couple of the midi's cause it meant they had to formula feed Master P, which they didn't want to do (yeah, guess what, it wasn't my prefered method either!) and to top it off, I had 2 gorgeous little boys at home that just wanted their Mummy back for more than a couple of hours at a time.

To be honest, even though I can say that I loved Master P, it really took me a while to truly bond with him. From feeling resentment to my body for not being able to perform the function of pregnancy well enough to 'cook' him longer, to resenting him for turning (yes, I know, not his fault, but hey hindsight is a wonderful thing!) and thus resulting in the c-section. I really wish I hadn't have felt that way, but it has only been in the last couple of months where i've come to realise that there is nothing that I can do to change what happened, and that it was hindering my relationship with my son. So i've built my bridge, and i'm pleased to say that I am on the other side of it now.

I love my little boy with all my heart, he melts me! The other 2 do as well, but they all have their different ways that melt me. Mummy's boys... you betcha!! LOL We get a lot of people who make horrible comments on the fact that we have 3 boys, well, I honestly think they are jealous! Boy's rock and I am proud to be the Mummy of 3 gorgeous, happy, well mannered, and heck just plain delightful little miracle boys.

Would I put myself though anything like that again. You bet I would! :) :)


Dee said...

You go girl! Being the mummy of 3 boys does rock!! (ps being the mummy of 4 is even better ;) LOL)

Your ds3 story is so similar in a lot of ways to my ds3 story, but my ds1 was the breech one where an induction turned into a c-sect the next morning. I'll never get over the fact that my body didn't perform what it was designed to do at all, but at the end of the day I have 4 healthy boys to show for it. (And fortunately they've used the same scar for all)

Happy Birthday again to the fast growing Master P!

Hope you all have a fabulous day!


Bec said...

I can't believe it's been a year since your little mister joined the world!
Your birthing story resonates so well with me - particularly the resentment and the longer bonding. It was the same for me with my little miss. I wish that as a society we could talk more openly and freely about birthing experiences that go wrong because it seems like quite a few women feel the same way but can find it hard to talk about how they feel. We're shown the images, words etc of the perfect birth but so often that isn't the case.
Have a wonderful day Mr P - oh and Mr & Mrs B too - you're doing an amazing job!

Mrs B said...

Bec, I so wish society was more open to talking about it too. I have found that when I do talk about it, the whole situation gets shot down by the statement 'you have a healthy baby, and that is all that matters'. Yes, I do believe that having a healthy baby is extremely important (I'd be silly not too!!), but you know, it is ok to feel bad when things don't go as planned. And when that does happen that it's also ok to acknowledge it to others!

Thank goodness for blogs hey LOL