Friday, January 21, 2011

Sadness

Well so much for blogging every day! Unfortunately though not only have I been busy, but this week has been one of incredible sadness for me, so whilst I am grateful for so many things, i've been too heartbroken to write about them.

Last Monday night one of the world's most amazing people passed away. She was one of my best friends. Part of my 'circle'. And she was taken away from us so very suddenly. But she not only left us, but more importantly she left her ever loving husband and 4 wonderful children. At 34yrs of age, this is something that none of us ever saw coming.

I know it might sound terrible, but you expect people who are sick to die. You expect old people to die. Yes I know there are terrible accidents that cause death, and a lot of those are young people too but this, this was just so out of the blue that it has left a lot of people reeling from it.

Me included. Bigtime.

I'm doing so well today. I haven't cried today. I keep trying very hard because I know she would be shitty as for me to keep doing it. Trying to think of the funny things we have spoken about, crazy times that were had and in my head i'm waiting for more to happen but reality is also telling me otherwise.

Death sucks. I've always had a very horrible fear of it, mainly due to nearly losing my Mum so many times when I was growing up. The only people who I have been close to who have passed have been 2 of my grandparents. I did have my Poppa die when I was very little, but I don't really remember him or any of that time. I've never had a friend pass so this is all so new to me.

But one thing that I keep being 'told' (by my Universal friends ;) ) is that I need to stop fearing death. I need to stop fearing altogether! I fear getting too close to people. I fear that i'm a burden to people. I fear that I annoy people, so that in turn makes me shy away from them and quite often causes people to think badly of me. It is not intentional at all, I guess its just cause i'm so used to being alone from being an only child that I don't really know HOW to let people in close to me. Even MrB, as so close as we are, there are still times when I shut him out due to those fears.

Now, if only I could work out how to release those fears... then I might actually be onto something.

Hug those near you. Love them with all your might. But the most important thing, don't forget to tell them you love them.

xxx

2 comments:

Jodie at Mummy Mayhem said...

So sorry to hear about your friend. That's awful.

I kind of grew up fearful of death too, or rather about dying through an accident because my sister died when I was almost 7mths old (she was 17), and my mother was always very worried about me.

I think I'm more relaxed about death these days. Sort of. I try not to think about it, to be honest.

Enjoy every day and feel blessed that you wake up and have your family around you. We can't control fate, but we can control how we choose to live our life.

Lovely post. x

Curvey Spice said...

Gorgeous friend, I think we can spend so much time fearing death that we forget to live.

Losing such a close friend, so suddenly and so young has rocked our world and made us realise that none of us is here forever. But whether we are here for another year or another 50 years we do not know so it's important to not dwell on the unknown and focus on the here and now.

Don't give up your blogging! Ask yourself why you started it, was it something for you or was your aim to have others read it? I don't think you need change anything at all, I love the name and enjoy what you write.