Tuesday, June 08, 2010

So what's been happening with me?

*Disclaimer... this post may not actually make sense lol my head works in mysterious ways ;) *

Well it has been a crazy 4 1/2mths since our Little Lady arrived. Both a good crazy, and a just plain OMG crazy as well. Between adjusting to life with a newborn again, becoming a family of 6 and Master L starting school, well yes it has been busy to say the least.

For me, its been a bit of a rollercoaster ride, with the highs and lows. Sometimes more lows than highs. I think this had a lot to do with the fact that as soon as I got home from having the Little Lady I really haven't stopped. No real recovery time from the caesarean, which even now is still giving me grief and I do wonder if I had of been able to just stop and rest, maybe I might have healed better by now.

In the last 2 weeks, I have hit the bottom of the barrel. Probably just from lack of sleep, but it certainly hasn't been a good place in my head lately. Don't get me wrong, I am very happy with my beautiful family. I am so in love with my sweet baby girl its not funny. My boys, ohh they are just so awesome as well and I love them so very much too. I love my husband and am very grateful for him. But, I just don't seem to like myself much lately. I'm not entirely sure what to do with that right now, but I figure admitting it is the first step, so here I am, admitting it on here! I've been trying to make myself feel a bit better, had a haircut, got some new clothes (nothing fitted anymore *sighs* stupid body!), so at least the outer is looking a tiny bit better than it was. The inside however, well its a work in progress. Trying to stay positive and not let myself fall into the spinning vortex, which is not always easy but it is certainly worth the fight!

But i'm trying to take it each day at a time. I think its a good thing that I have to take Master L into school every day, which is giving me a routine and making me get out of the house. I'm not sure I would have been doing that, had I not had that. It has also given me the opportunity to meet new people and be able to have chats with adults rather than just the kids all day. Gosh that really makes a difference some days. My babies are awesome, they will chat till the cows come home LOL but it is nice to have an adult to say hello to as well.

Gosh this post is pretty boring, and i'm doing the usual major ramble, but oh well, thats what blogs are for right?

So, i'm a work in progress ;)

1 comment:

Swift Jan said...

Sorry you are having a hard time :( I have definatley been there before. Caring for small children is exhausting, and often you can feel used by them. So many "I wants" and no thank you's to even it out.
Sounds like your love tank has run dry... you've been dishing it out but no one has been replenishing it for you.
A few years ago I went through a similar thing and ended up going to see a councellor for a few weeks just to get a better perspective on things. I found it very helpful. The other thing that helped was finding something that I ejoyed doing. Having some time to be me. It's easy to lose yourself in the Mummy roll....
Thats when I started sewing. It saved my sanity. Now when things are overwhelming me I hide in my sewing room and it makes me feel all better :)
Love to you xoxo