Tuesday, October 18, 2011

Thud.

It would seem that Tuesday's lately have something in common. Today however, well i'm admitting it, i've hit the bottom. I thought last week i'd hit the bottom but nope, today just beat that one.

So i'm here now, i've hit the bottom of that fucking barrel.

My not so gorgeous nearly 21mth old daughter just had the biggest tantrum in her life (and the biggest one i've ever seen out of all of my children) right in the middle of Coles. Apparently its not just their prices that go down there, cause that is where the 'thud' happened. Standing in the line, with Miss A screaming her lungs out, stamping her feet in the trolley. Master P, trying to ask a billion questions, darting in and out between the trolley and myself. And then you have me. The dipshit who was trying to hold it all together whilst clearly not doing a good job because I was crying too.

Can't get much more fucked than that right? Can't say i've had the pleasure of a shopping trip reducing me to tears before but nope, that is my life right now.

This morning I actually got up earlier than usual. Everything was all good to go well before time, then the kids decided that they would turn into demon spawns from hell. Add into the mix the damn washing machine which has decided that it doesn't want to work anymore (don't blame it really, 5 years, 6 family members, fuck I would have given up too... oh hang on.. ).

So today, life fucking rocks. I'm sitting here crying because I don't know how to stop. I should be cleaning because this house is fucking feral, but if I didn't let this out I could quite possibly explode even more.

Someone had better stop this fucked up merry-go-round cause I don't want to play on this one anymore.

6 comments:

Posie Patchwork said...

Oh honey, not the washing machine (says fellow mother of a family of 6). We all have these days, i somehow managed to block out the tantrums (my first & fourth tried them on, well past the 2 year old mark as well) & i'd just get on with what i was doing (paying for groceries) & get out of everyone's way, let the child see it out. Thing is, i think 99% of people in a supermarket in the middle of the day are parents or grandparents anyway, we've seen it all, a tantrum & mother crying . . . i do hope someone offered you a hand, if only a "i hear you sister" grimmace.
Wishing you well, put the children in their rooms, get your house sorted & then take a long shower. Next Tuesday is another 6 days away. Love Posie

Swift Jan said...

I too have have cried in the shops. I was in the food court though, not coles. Everything had gone wrong that day and I got us some Maccas before heading home. Except I dropped my chocolate milkshake all over the floor. I just burst into tears because as if anything else could go wrong....

How do you stop the merry-go-round? One moment at a time.
I hope you might consider going to a counsellor. It really does help.

But for what it's worth, we all go through dark times like this. And when you hit rock bottom, it takes a lot of courage to climb back out.
I believe in you! You can do it, just one little step at a time.

I will be praying for you (I hope thats ok)
Love Becky xo

Crazy Mumma said...

Posie, why couldn't you have been one of those people who were starring at me today? Unfortunately nope, all I got was death stares and 'tsks' from those around me. It was those people who's actions made it all even worse and brought on the tears.

Thank you for your kind words xxx

Nomadic said...

Another who has cried at teh shops. Well, actually it was a petrol station and I couldn't remember my pin number and didn't want to go back to the car with the kids.

Let me know if I can do anything at all for you hun, it's a crappy place to be. xx

Crazy Mumma said...

Beck, I too would have just lost it all had that of happened to me. Some days just makes you wonder why you can't start it again to right whatever it was that started the downward spiral.

I think its time I headed to the Dr's to get some help. Will mention the counselling. I've been to the bottom before, but it was before kids, so has been a long time since i've been in this place. Think that is why its taken so long for me to realise and admit that all is not ok.

Thank you! Love and hugs to you too xxx

Candace Stevenson said...

awh! I'm sorry it was such a crazy thing. But the joys of parenthood are far greater :)

Lovely Little Rants